Page 36 - James Caan - The Real Deal

The Real Deal

‘You’ll never make it. You don’t know what you’re doing.’
I said nothing.
‘You’ll last a week, you’ll be back, just you see.’
Again, I knew I just had to try and keep my cool.
‘You’ll never make it. You’ve got no money, you’re too young,
you’re clueless. I’ve given you everything, you don’t even know
where to get food from.’
As he was saying that I realised that he was 100 per cent right:
I didn’t have a clue about anything. But I was also thinking, ‘I’ll
find a way.’
After I’d spoken to him, I went and talked to my mum. My
brother had already told her that I was leaving and so as soon as
she saw me she burst into tears and hugged me.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ She
didn’t care that I wasn’t going to join the business; she just wanted
to know where I would sleep. The worst moment was when she
said, ‘I have let you down.’ I had to tell her that she hadn’t.
‘Mum, it’s not your fault, it’s nothing to do with you, you’ve
done nothing wrong.’ Back then, I couldn’t understand why she
would think that, but now I’m a parent I understand that you
always blame yourself. ‘There’s nothing you could have done
differently.’
I was really upset by this point and we were both crying. I had
never seen her that distraught and I couldn’t believe that I was
causing her so much pain. I then went upstairs, and as I was clearly
so upset my brothers and sisters all gave me a hug. They were
scared about what was going to happen next, not just for me but
because they were going to have to live with my father for the next
few weeks. It was the biggest thing to happen in our family by far.
I had actually packed three weeks beforehand – just a holdall
with the essentials because I’d agreed with my brother that I
couldn’t walk out with a huge amount. That mental image of
walking out with lots of suitcases felt wrong. So my brother and I

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